John 15:4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.
Over the years until quite recently my own faith walk has involved long periods of not reading the Bible and not praying much. And this has happened because I allowed myself to drift away from God, encouraged by the enemy.
I remember my first attempt at canoeing where I spent way too much time trying to keep the canoe going straight down the river. Whatever I did ended up in me drifting into the river bank. What was meant to be a fun afternoon turned into a frustrating and annoying battle of me vs canoe. And let me tell you, the canoe won.
But the more I canoed the better I got at it and before too long I had the canoe heading straight down the river. In the same way the more I practice at my faith, the more determined I am, the better at it I become. My aim is not to read the Bible but to come into the presence of God.
To come into the presence of God is to be influenced by the Holy Spirit on a consistent basis. This happens through spending time reading the Bible – being open to change, confessing my sin – being prepared to change, and through much prayer and active service – getting involved in change.
I yearn to be in God’s presence!!
God bless,
Mark Brown
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Yahweh’s Yarn in a Year : 1 year Bible reading plan
The Portion for today is: 2 Timothy 1-2
To access the complete plan for the year click here.
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lyza/
October 21st, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Mark,
I like how you admit your faults and use that to teach others. I like the fact that I am not the only one that struggles with staying in the presence of God. This one really helped me to remember to stay the course, and is a reminder that the spirit needs strengthening just as muscles do.
Thank you for your message.
October 21st, 2010 at 9:28 pm
You know, the interesting thing about it all, Mark, is that no one can escape the presence of God. After all, if we truly believe that He is omnipresent, then how could we not be in His presence? So, the problem isn’t that we aren’t in His presence, but rather that we are not allowing Him to be present in us.
The words, “abide in me, and I in you,” are suggestive of the idea of oneness, or unity in purpose, if you will. If we truly are one with Christ we will seek to do the father’s will in all matters of life; we will keep His commandments. Our lives will be in agreement with what He wants for us.
Blessings to you…
October 21st, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Note: please excuse my mistake of not capitalizing Father. I just noticed that.
October 21st, 2010 at 9:52 pm
I can definately identify with drifting as a Christian. But thanks be to God, just when I think I’ve just about wrecked my boat, Jesus takes the wheel. My desire is to ever keep sailing for him no matter how poor or inconsistent a sailor I am.
October 21st, 2010 at 10:39 pm
I can relate to what you are speaking about. I just recently started back or finding a church. It is not an easy journey. Unless you keep focusing on Christ all is lost. Thanks for your input, at least now I know I am not the only one in a sinking boat.
Adam
October 22nd, 2010 at 1:03 am
I have just recently gone thru a spiritual battle that had me calling mayday mayday (Help) to everyone but God. But He had his way and thru a great friend let me know it was a spiritual battle not me loosing my mind. I so want to commit to God not only has my Father but my husband, since I have been widowed for 27 years you would have thougth that I would have tried that along time ago. But I wanted a human man for my children and I hate being alone. God has finally gotten to me thru you Mark and your postings and Livechurch. God Bless and thank you.
October 22nd, 2010 at 5:15 am
Thank you for your comments, Mark. I too yearn to be in the presence of God. I liken ones spiritual activity to that of riding a bike. If we keep a good momentum: reading God’s word, praying and yearning to be in His presence, discipleship is a natural and beautiful thing. When we allow the bike wheels to slow down, everything becomes so much harder. And if we don’t pick up the pace, eventually the speed becomes so slow that we fall off and give God away. I have done this. I think this is what is happening to other current backsliders. Satan tries to convince us that God will not welcome us back. However the trick is to confess our sins, ask God’s forgiveness and get back on our bikes. As in our natural life – so in our spiritual life. Bless you.
October 22nd, 2010 at 5:34 am
I also want to be in God`s presence, so always I remind myself to study Bible more, not only to read Bible not thinking on it, on power of Holy Spirit who wants to make me better.
God bless
October 22nd, 2010 at 5:45 am
Thanks!!
October 22nd, 2010 at 6:08 am
Thanks for the words. I can also relate. For months I had being drifting away. I was so distracted that I could hardly concentrate on God. But thank God that recently He’s drawing me back to Himself.
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:08 am
I like the phrase, “My aim is not just to read the bible, but to come to the presence of God”… Remembered you once said when we open the bible, we aren’t just reading, but we have to open our heart to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to change us…
That has actually change my bible reading manner ever since.. =)
Thank you and praise Father for your honesty about your faith walk… My prayers are with you… =))
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:15 am
Hi Mark great analogy with the canoe! Some times it feels as if Im just going through the motions! Im often worried that Im doing something wrong so it is great to communicate with fellow christians and read of their experiences. Thank you for sharing.
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:15 am
Yes Jesus I will follow U and never separate myself for U my Savior, mighty and awesome Lord King of Kings……ur my everything
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:29 am
Thank You Mark. God used this to speak LOUDLY to me this evening. It jumped out on to the top of the page on Facebook and it is right where I am. I am having a hard time getting motivated more than just once at a time (daily) to get back into His presence. And as far as the person who decided to argue above about the omnipresence of God, I knew what you meant and I hope they don’t decide to play on my choice of words too, lol. Anyways, God is omnipresent, but at the same time His word says seek Him diligently and He’ll reveal Himself. So even though His presence is always present, sometimes He cannot be found unless He is sought after with diligence. And I am having a hard time with this lately. Thank you for this. It helped me and I will now take this opportunity to seek Him. Thank you!
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:16 am
Dear GOD,
I REALLY DONT KNOW WHO AM I RIGHT NOW!! GOD.PLEASE!I”M BEGGING GIVE AGAIN THE LOVE BETWEEN ME AND IRENE!!I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!I THINK I AM WASTED RIGHT NOW!!I KNOW I’M ONLY A HUMAN.. BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND US,OUR RELATIONSHIP DON’T TAKE IT BACK PLEASE.I DON’T WANNA LIVE LIKE THIS!. ALL WE NEED IS LOVE! LOVING EACH OT HER! DONT TAKE AWAY THAT FROM US PLEASE!! IM BEGGING MY LORD!!PLEASE!!
Edizon and Irene
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:18 am
Thank you Mark and the rest of you for your honesty and your different views. I have been struggling for months with this problem. I go for long walks about 3 times a week and these are spent talking and praising God. On one of these walks He showed me about perspective. It makes it easier to understand when people share thier ways of viewing things pertaining to God. Thanks again.
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:19 am
Thanks for sharing as I have been feeling abit the same lately!!…I have like many people work and demands of helping with the childcare for my grandkids and then just live as a wife…Help me Lord, to live not under the law but be led by your spirit, now and always!!…Thanks for sharing..
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:23 am
wow that sounds great. but i had better be alot more open to change. thank u
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:23 am
love this post!! I can definitely relate to drifting away from God – I had come to a place where I didnt understand why God was putting me through what I was going through. It took losing everything and having nothing for me to finally find God again. I’m still struggling but each day I put my faith in God that He will get me through whatever comes my way! I know He is always with me and He has taught me how to forgive, that I am forgiven for my sins, and that He has a great plan for me all I have to do is rely on Him!
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:26 am
im putting this on my facebook notes (if i can) =)
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:28 am
Please please please pray for me!!!
October 22nd, 2010 at 9:01 am
I LOVE GOD BUT I MUST ADMIT SOMETIMES I BELIEVE DEEPLY DEEP THAT I HAVE GONE TOO FAR. I KNOW IT IS SATAN TAKIN ADVANTAGE OF ALL HE CAN. THEREFORE I TRRY TO PRAISE GOD PRAY FOR OTHERS GIVE TO OTHERS I NEED TO READ MORE IS EEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM GETTING STILL ENUF TO READ LIKIE I WOULD LIKE AND NEED. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME ON THISL. GOD HAS SAVED ME OVER AND OVER AND I KNOW HE HAS A GREAT PLAN IN STORE FOR ME TO STRENGTHEN THE KINGDOM WHICH HE RESIDES AND IS WAITIN TO BRING US HIS CHILDREN HOME TO. PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSPIRE ME TO WANT TO GIVE ALL I HAVE EVEN WHEN IDONT HAVE ENUF IT DOESNT MATTER AS LONG AS IT IS REAL. I AM TRYIN TO DO THINGS DIFFERENT MY LIFE IS A LIFELONG TESTIMONY AS FAR BACK AS 6 YRS OLD. I PROBABALLY NEED TO WRITE A BOOK. I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO SET UP A WEBSITE FOR AUTOBIOGRAPHIES OF OTHERS LIKE MYSELF TO PRODUCE EDUCATION THRU PURE EXPERIENCE FOR OTHERS TO SEE BEFORE THEY GO DOWN THOSE ROADS PEOPLE LIKE ME HAVE BEEN DOWN. I JUST GIVE GOD THE GLORY AND PRAISE. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT LOVE AND OBEDIENCE OF THE GOD ALMIGHTY IN JESUS NAME AMEN
October 22nd, 2010 at 9:10 am
To be in his holy presence , to hear his voice whispering in my heart, to let go & let him take over, be in control…….less of me & more of him…renew my dry bones….living remaining & hiding in his wings ..till i soar up as an eagle!!!
October 22nd, 2010 at 9:42 am
Wow , do I love all the feed back from my brothers and sister in the Lord. It seems that we all fall short. Praise to our God that he knows our weaknesses and still loves us so much. God will not allow your foot to slip. He is always there for us.All we have to do is surrender our life to him .That’s is why is important to know that the times you don’t feel like praying or reading the living word, that’s the time you have to abide in his Care. He is always there. We just have to come to him. Confess, Forgive , Love. Nothing can compare to being in the Presence of God. God bless all of you. Thanks Mark for a great Post.
October 22nd, 2010 at 10:15 am
nice to be back to “God” .
October 22nd, 2010 at 11:02 am
I’ve been in some really rough times lately, and it seems to be an avalanch. During this time, in fact, a while back, I said to God in a prayer: Lord, I know every blow in this life has a purpose, It’s been pretty rough lately, so I’m going to close my eyes while you finish forming me into what you want me to be & learn, so let me know when you are done so I can open my eyes. Honestly, I believe the holy spirit put this immediately into my head, “Bob, let me know when you are ready to do it my way, my arms getting tired swinging this hammer”, I kind of laughed to myself and thought, that’s probably the way God does feel with me. I really believe this to be true. We all need to listen to the spirit and accept that is the voice within us. (I’m not that sharp to come up with that on my own!)
October 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Thanks so much for posting! This subject has been on my mind the last couple days, and I have been seeking a closer relationship with God. Praise the Lord for His perfect timing! Thanks for all you do! May the Lord continue to bless you!
October 22nd, 2010 at 2:04 pm
sure feel the same way
October 22nd, 2010 at 2:05 pm
may the Lord continually bless and keep you
October 22nd, 2010 at 2:07 pm
never will the Lord leave you nor forsake you He’s watching out for you
October 22nd, 2010 at 2:09 pm
love your post
October 22nd, 2010 at 2:10 pm
were are praying for you
October 22nd, 2010 at 3:50 pm
please pray for my brother he had a loss on his ligerments and hes leg is as equal as broke… And he is alone and far away from home. Please help him.
October 22nd, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Jon,
I wasn’t trying to argue with Mark. I was simply trying to show things from another perspective. You shouldn’t be so quick to judge people like that.
Anyway, I forgive you.
Blessings to you…
October 22nd, 2010 at 4:40 pm
who has answered Romans8:35. only grace can help us
October 22nd, 2010 at 4:46 pm
who has answered paul in Romans8:35. i think we need the Grace of God
October 22nd, 2010 at 8:28 pm
i waas sailing in the same boat but while reading this it touched my heart,now i got the answer for my failures…thank you brother
October 22nd, 2010 at 11:32 pm
i need prayers alot of prayers
one for me im having a hard time receiving the holy ghost and i want it !!
and satan is really trying to attack me alot lately and also trying to get my grand daughter out of foster care who was taken from my daughter i need prayers god will bring lil breana home to her Me-Me
I need lots of prayers to follow gods journey he has for me and that i find the holy ghost
thanks for the prayers
October 22nd, 2010 at 11:53 pm
I am very glad to hear from you again! God bless you, your family and your work!
In the journey together in entering a deeper relationship with our Go.
God bless,
ciao!
October 22nd, 2010 at 11:54 pm
with our God!
October 22nd, 2010 at 11:56 pm
Amen! Led of the Spirit and not the Law! I too struggle with being consistent in my time with the Lord. I do try to die to self and allow Christ to live through me daily but being just a human, i fail often. Sometimes i am not even sure whether i am in the flesh or in the Spirit and i question myself and my walk and my salvation. I love the Lord and i do my best to trust in Him completely, and seek only His will but sometimes life is so hard and things seem so unsure that i get fearful and anxious. This devotion was a very welcome wake up call as i do believe i have been drifting and not spending the time with Him that I NEED to. Its funny when i think about it, I know that if i just do it, He will bless it and this world and its cares won’t seem so big or important! Humans! Were are an odd sort aren’t we!
October 23rd, 2010 at 12:15 am
I saw this through a friend’s fan link on FB. Thank you, you are not alone in your suspicions or solace.
-Steven King
October 23rd, 2010 at 4:28 am
yeah, GOD is really good. He is present always in us.
October 24th, 2010 at 6:21 am
Exactly the same w/ me, until recently I haven’t had the same connection w/ God I have now. I’ve been praying to drawn closer to him, have this commitment. I read my bible even when it seemed nothing happened. I started letting go of worldly music and turning onto christian stuff. Now, I have this passion riveting inside me waiting to explode. I’ve taken to writing a blog, I need to get it all out.
October 26th, 2010 at 12:35 am
Reading that post made me feel like am talking to myself
October 28th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I have had recently many struggles staying in the Word and feel terrible about it .It’s a relief finding a group of believers who are so honest.I am putting aside my bible reading plan for a while and get into His presence.
October 28th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Just knowing “Our desire to stay in the presense of God” is not something new, but has been a struggle and longing from the beginning is somehow helpful to me. Identifying with the great prophets of long ago and those that actually walked with Jesus here on earth is rather uplifting. It helps me hold my shoulders back knowing I’m on the same road as they were.
I relate to your thoughts. Thank you for publishing this site, it’s an easy obtainable way to learn, grow and share thoughts on God’s will for our lives. I look forward to keeping up with you and your site.
October 28th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
I Love this new site Brother Mark!! Your post, Drifting Away From God, on 21, Oct., reminded me of the scripture 11Corinthians 3:18 “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord” SELAH…. He does the changing of us, it happens as we seek His Face…When I got my focus off of man’s expectations and plans for my working for the “organization”, I saw my relationship with my Father again, and my heart has been after His ever since. I return to His Word, and here to your teachings, and the testimonies herein for a refreshing and a learning time…~~~ One has not to read far to see what a difference that finding our Father on your sites has made in the lives of thousands of His children World Wide!! Love and Prayers~~sara
December 16th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Awesome Mark!!
December 16th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
sometimes we believe in Jesus but don’t have the strength to follow his path’s and that’s why we easily drift away. Once we open our eyes and how far, we only have to trust God’s hand and will lead us to the right path once again.
December 16th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Am so glad to have read this aticle lately i ve drifted away from my GOD
due to the worries of this world but HE has not left my side sometimes i sit down and wonder what would have become of me if it was not for GOD loving me this much.my life has changed am not so prayeful as i used to be i ve made so many mistakes in ma life that i ve condemned my self but all in all the mighty LORD of glory has not left my side i pray that i get closer to HIM and change my life for the better and that HE finds me worthy on the day of HIS glory may GOD bless you so much Mark for the wonderful word to his PEOPLE
December 16th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
my wants are nothing…my wishes are something entirely something different…my children are my world besides God of course…I pray he will look after them and keep them safe this holiday season and throught the year…God Bless all Gods Children. Even the one who dont know Him~!~
December 16th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
this’s classic! This’s sure God’s word. 10nk U 4 speakin 2 me Lord. Yes, i’ll stick closer evryday frm now.
December 16th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Mark..
What such a blessing!
May God bless you forever and ever!
It’s very important to be looking to JEsus in every circumstance… when we do it, we learn to not worry about whatever is around us, but Jesus…
Remember Peter… Matthew 14:25-32 “Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.”
When Peter was looking to Jesus, he walked on the lake without sinking, but when he looked at the wind, he got distracted and began to sink…
Why did I doubt? Jesus is enough! He is enough!
December 16th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I don’t know what to do, my daughter lost here home of 10 years in wild fires in Texas. Her and her husband and four kids moved in with us. They started building a new house on there property with the help of local churches. They have the walls and roof and all the outer things done. Now Ricky my daughters husband has ran off with another woman. He told my daughter that he had a job in Dallas and went to Washington state to live. Never saying good bye or anything to his four kids. He has been gone for 2 months now and has not sent any money or anything to his children, now she has a house half built. We have no money to buy these children Christmas and they have already lost so much. Please pray that we find the right path to solving our problems. My husband is a long hall truck driver and works very hard to pay the bills and my daughter has had a job for years and now she works two jobs. But all this only gets the bills payed and no extra money. I have been staying home to take care of all these children, cooking, cleaning and everything else. Just don’t know what to do about there house.
December 16th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Wow I saw this and I couldn’t believe how many people felt the same way as I do! I’ve been feeling like a lost sheep for months now and it seems like recently I’ve been seeing signs that he is calling me back to him. I admit I’ve made horrible mistakes, and my world has been crashing down since. And for too long of a time I felt cold, like God had turned his back on me, but I have held onto my faith even harder because I felt it slipping. And I hate to admit that I was beginning to loose the battle after about three months of feeling so distant from hope, and now, I keep getting these signs like God is trying telling to tell me not to give up. That he really hasn’t given up on me. I couldn’t tell you how much this reading means to me.
December 16th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
please pray 4 me and my family i feel like i am failing god i have been drifting away and i need him now more and more going through alot rite now god has kept me in good spirits but i feel i am faded away please pray i no god is awesome i need him thank you
December 16th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
I don’t know how to get back into his presence I yern for more but it seems like d more I want or try the harder its becoming pls pray for me
December 16th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Thanks
December 16th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
PRAISE THE LORD!!!!I really needed that Bro.Mark..I not where I ought to be BUT PRAISE GOD I’M NOT WHAT I USE TO BE !!!THAN YOU LORD FOR GRACE..
December 16th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
M-
Thanks for posting this note. I have been in this place for over three years and it’s been frustrating to say the least. Thanks for the encouraging word and for the insight. It’s about getting into His prescence through the Spirit. It truly is better than one day in His court than thousands else where.
God Bless!
Orlando
December 16th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Thank you for this because I have been drifting from GOD and when I read this it reminded me that I can’t allow the enemy to distract me or keep me busy from reading my bible..I WANT to be fruitful for my children so I may set that good example. Thank you for always teaching HIS WISDOM to us..God Bless
December 16th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
praise the lord,thanks to god
December 16th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Thank you So very much for showing us that we are all human and we all fall short of the glory of God. I love My heavenly Dad and sometimes it is very hard to stay in that love when the toils of this world eat at you so thank you for sharing your struggles also.
December 16th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Drifting is something that is not only seen throughout the Bible, but in many of our own lives. I think when we get content with how our walk with God is going we get comfortable. I think of many times in my own life, I get so complacent with my walk I do not realize I am not even growing. That is where the drifting starts and sometimes we dont even see it. I really like your blog keep up the Good work. Keep Jesus 1st and the rest will follow.
Ric Simmons
December 16th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
thank you mark this has inspired me!
December 16th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
I love this story, it truly shows everyone how God is always there for you and throughout anything you can always strengthen your relationship with him in so many ways. I have drift away from God since college but i’ve been praying everyday and talking to him everyday. Including i’m trying to go to church more and just become a better person. I figure if God does so much almost everything for me the least i could do for him is become a better person in my faith and in the daily life.
December 16th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
I remember when I first confessed to God….I could feel it in my heart that he accepted by testimony. Slowly, I started to drift away because I didn’t know where to turn and I stil do not. He feels like miles away. I pray that He will give me another chance.
December 16th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
Praying hard for you and your family Cynthia. God bless, Mark
December 16th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
thank you so much for your inspiring posts…drifted away myself years ago from Him…never want that to happen again…can’t live without God’s grace
December 17th, 2010 at 2:44 am
Thank you, Mark for this post. I too have drifted, for years now. It’s a horrible battle because I still feel the love for God and I pray always, but don’t actually DO the things that I know I need to do for Him. It’s like my body is the devils’ and heart is Gods. In turmoil continually. I know I need to get back in church, but I don’t. I love my church family and it feels like a part of me is missing. What is wrong with me? Why don’t I go?
I also have read all the comments and am praying for each of you. We all need Him in our lives, to be head over our lives. I believe then and only then do we find peace. Please pray for me too, for strength to break the bonds that the Devil has on me. God bless you all.
December 17th, 2010 at 5:08 am
Lately I have been feeling totally lost—-drifting off from HIM. Its reassuring to know that am not alone in this, especially when the toils of life hit @ us so hard & we begin to wonder & search for reasons!
Thank u Mark-U have been such a blessing to us all for allowing God have His way in your life.This blog is my treasure find for the year. God bless u all for sharing from ur hearts-Its time to get up & get moving.
December 17th, 2010 at 6:26 am
This is exactly what I needed because I have currently given up rowing the canoe because I felt JESUS had left me alone to row the canoe. This is a word in its season. Thanks for the message, GOD bless you!
December 17th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
I found myself driting the past few days. Thankfully I found a facebook link for this wonderful message this morning. That’s what got me out of bed with renewed determination to go back to Him. Thank God for you.
December 20th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
My friend and I have been talking about relationship with The Lord. You can describe relationship in many ways; close, intimate, estranged, distant or deep…I believe it depends on where you feel you are. Regardless of how we see our relationship with Christ, He sees us as His Beloved children. He has given us many promises that He will forever remain with us; The Holy Spirit Himself is our seal unto the day of redemption. We do a lot of “work” but the key (my opinion) is Knowing that I AM is G-D. He works in us both to will and do His good pleasure. And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (a place apart from Chris), I fear no evil for Thou art with me. During seasons of drifting, always remember that Jesus, The Hope of Glory abides in us when we truly accept Him not just as Savior, but also as Lord. And as Lord, we surrender ourselves…we fight the good fight of FAITH! Ephesians 2:8-9. Trust in G-D!
January 28th, 2011 at 4:40 am
GOD BLESS YOU!
October 5th, 2011 at 1:36 am
Please pray for me… I’ve got several issues that need some kind of breakthrough… My health, my financial situation, I am in need of a good man in my life and I need a closer relationship with my family who have distanced themselves from me and rejected me due to someone very close to me who has a very serious psychosis and due to that psychosis she has become a martyr and made me out to be a horrible person in the eyes of other for something that happened when I was a teen. I’m almost 40